vert

vida

'maybe love is just a requiem for the soul'

- nerina paillot, learning to breathe

id est II

and i paused.

i know you were no longer there...

yet your presence lingers like smoke after a great fire.


suffocating my consciousness.


my heart-ear yearns to hear your footfall,

yet am deafened by the silence...


the skin on my body, lips, tingle with your touch,

your feel that is perpetual and constant.


my body molds to your form in sleep.


were you really there in the first place?

or were your words and my memories a dream?


a cruel trick played by the subconscious.



illusory.



a last attempt at making it known to you that i exist.


but do i really?

mortal childhood

in childhood, we learn to be vindictive. to love and hate.

to love

to hate.

and hate more.

to pretend to forgive and not show that we never forget.

to fear,
to cry,

to lie.

to lie and pretend.

to hurt and be hurt.

to lose and never find ourselves.

id est I

One yearns to return to a time when One had the chance to be with Him, to prove himself worthy of Him. but One cannot deal with the fact that He was out of his league. and that His world can turn without him. but One still clings to memories, or whatever little he has, had... paltry, fragile things... One is a pathetic fool...and the real world is unforgiving. but One is happy and content that He is happy and content.

quagmire...

my quagmire... is just that. a personal quagmire - the burden of being yourself when you don't know why or how. everybody has one... or two. you should get one. makes people understand the gravity of being human. especially if you wallow in your muck...

cheers | salut

ave mundi.

ave mundi.

i rise.

naked yet whole.

for now...

robes made of sin,
embroidered with lies.
i wrap myself...

in solitude we are taught that we are not alone...

celebrate the inherent hypocrisy in the fabric of our lives...

weave.

vivat. vivat. vivat.

kites.

do u believe in kites?

vivid.

dancing through the cloud curtains.
mocking the firmament.

they say kites are Man's hopes.
vignettes of vainglorious self deception...

lashed to the Great Mother,
yet reaching, defiant, to the highest abodes of the gods...

men hope, kites fly...

i don't play with kites.

shut

i close myself from light.
light that brings shafts of cruel hope that pierces without mercy.

the walls are true allies. they make you numb and welcome the calm dark.

i let myself fall into the bosom of the Earth.
in the Moon's eclipse, the Earth talks to me of shadows and shades.
in the Great Mother's decay i recover myself.

i am given back what is denied me.
i will take back what has been taken.



await my awakening.

woe to heathens...

...

friend, there is something about us and when midnight has already passed. no, not dawn. just when the new day is yet unheralded. this time blesses us with vulnerability and doubts. precious fear that keeps us grounded. it gives us back our dreams, affirms our potential. shows us a glimpse of the future...

noir

of black roses.
attractive as death.
the senses succumb.
seduction's finite finality.
there is beauty in lies.
of black butterflies...

shall we sin again?

x

friends, FRIENDS, friends, and 'friends' are thorns, yes, and are immaterial.

Pain is The Truest Friend. it is a constant. a given. a blessing.

we do not have friends, and thus should not trust anyone.

we only have Pain, and thus should only trust Pain. . .

it is the only thing that can seep through our beloved walls...

lovely isn't it?

and i sigh...

you... i know you yet i do not recognize.
i sense you yet i am numb.
i hate you.
i love you.

i am you.


you... are a familiar stranger.
a dreammate.
morning's birdsong.


the light of your eyes are fell.

the lies in your lips are truth.
truer than any passable reality.

your wounds are everfresh...

their stench, sweet and cloying.
clinging to my consciousness.

your smile that fools no one and everyone.
your smile that never quite reach your eyes...

then you break into a semblance of a laugh.
hollow and fading.

you are broken.
yet you endure.

i am you.